If your girlfriend doesn’t respond to your text messages, then it’s really important to read this article to understand the best way to deal with it.
It’s normal to feel upset and anxious if your girlfriend suddenly stops responding to your text messages. This anxiety comes from the fact that you’re nervous that something has happened and your girlfriend has suddenly lost interest in you.
Reasons Why Your Girlfriend Doesn’t Respond Or Text You Back
- Your girlfriend needs space.
- Your girlfriend is losing attraction for you.
- Your girlfriend is genuinely busy.
- Your girlfriend doesn’t think texting is that important.
- Your girlfriend is scared you’ll get bored of her.
- Your girlfriend wants you to live your life.
- Your girlfriend doesn’t respect you that much.
- Your girlfriend is testing you.
This list covers the major reasons why your girlfriend isn’t responding to your messages and texting you back. However, before we explore this list in more detail, it’s important to understand why men get upset when their girlfriend doesn’t respond to text messages.
Why Guys Get Upset When Their Girlfriend’s Not Responding
You’ve just met a girl you really like.
You start talking on the phone, texting each other on a regular basis and it looks like this girl is starting to warm up to you, until it gets to a point where she actually becomes your girlfriend.
Then one day you send your girlfriend a message and she doesn’t respond and text you back. That’s unusual, you think to yourself. An hour goes by—still no response. Your send your girlfriend another message and wait… and wait some more… she still hasn’t responded.
You start to panic. This isn’t like her. Has she suddenly lost interest in me? Has she just met someone else? Is she playing games with me? Is she okay?
This isn’t like her at all. Did I do something wrong? I thought everything was going great… how could she be so disrespectful? You start to get angry and upset.
Your mind suddenly becomes hyper-alert and sensitive and you start to check your phone obsessively. Three hours go by and still no response. She’s lost interest in me, I just know it.
Chemicals start to flood your brain and your amygdala (that little lizard part of your brain that controls your fight or flight response and which is responsible for adrenaline release) goes into overdrive.
In a state of anger and insecurity, you send your girlfriend a message demanding to know where she is. Little do you realize that you have just made your first big mistake!
Your Girlfriend Needs Space
A lot has been written about why it’s so important to give your girlfriend space. And it’s always worth repeating that attraction grows in space; this is different to when your girlfriend actually breaks up with you, because when that happens, space helps to remove a girl’s negative emotions and memories surrounding your breakup.
Now if you’ve been communicating with your girlfriend on a regular basis, you need to understand that this level of communication and attraction can’t be sustained forever. And you don’t even want to try to sustain it.
Guys, and also girls, who keep on texting each other all the time are just killing the attraction and mystery they have for each other.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys get into a routine of texting their girlfriend too often. There’s really no need to do this. It’s not going to win you any brownie points and you’ll just end up talking about things you would talk to her about when you see her in person.
You’re actually much more likely to talk too much and make too many relationship mistakes if you’re texting all the time and making yourself too available.
That being said, if you have been texting your girlfriend a lot, there will come a point after a week or after a month where she’s going to need some space. This is good for you and it’s good for her.
Don’t fight this, instead, use it as an opportunity to break the attraction killing cycle of message… message… message…
Your Girlfriend Is Losing Attraction For You
Of all the reasons, this is the one that is the most terrifying for men. Your girlfriend stops responding to your text messages because she has just lost attraction for you.
If you’ve been over-responsive and messaging her too much then there’s a very good chance that you might have turned your girlfriend off.
Being too responsive and communicative with your girlfriend signals weakness. It also tells your girlfriend that you’re not a busy and productive person if you’re communicating with her all the time.
Men who are high value and important don’t spend the majority of their time messaging their girlfriends—they go out into the world and go about their business.
Women need space just like men need space too. No one wants to be suffocated in a relationship and constant texting and messaging is one sure way to squeeze the life out of your relationship.
It has been found that women are more attracted to men who are less responsive and more silent and quiet—just like Client Eastwood and Charles Bronson are in the movies (The University of British Columbia).
Never underestimate the power of silence and what giving your girlfriend a little bit of space can do to boost your relationship.
A guy emailed me the other day to explain his current relationship problem. His girlfriend had ignored him for a couple of hours.
This was out of character for her and he also said that he had felt extremely insecure and paranoid throughout their relationship (because she was much more beautiful than the women he was used to dating).
After not getting a response to his text messages after two hours, this guy blasted the girl with a series of abusive message: “I can’t believe you’re ignoring me!” “Answer your phone!” “Stop f**king with my head and playing games!”
Turns out that this guy’s girlfriend had simply been having dinner with her parents and left her phone upstairs. Imagine her horror when she saw these text messages on her phone. It was no surprise then that this guy was suddenlly dumped by this girl. His messages displayed so much weakness and insecurity that his girlfriend lost all attraction for him.
Your Girlfriend Is Genuinely Busy
A lot of men have a difficult time understanding that their girlfriend might actually be genuinely busy.
It’s possible that she really was caught up with work or studying or something else that needed her urgent attention.
Consider this: it’s very possible that your girlfriend is experiencing problems related to work, family or friends too. Women are, in general, much more sensitive to their environment than a man is.
If anything has come up that upsets her, your girlfriend is much more likely to focus on that than you at this present moment in time—this doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love you or has lost attraction for you.
Your girlfriend might have seen your text, but don’t get hung up on the fact that she hasn’t responded yet and texted you back.
If your girlfriend is genuinely busy then it’s very likely that she doesn’t want to text you because she knows she will get caught up in a long drawn out conversation with you, and now is not the time to do that.
It’s also likely that your girlfriend knows she isn’t available to give you her full love and attention at the present moment in time, so she is waiting to contact you at a later time when she will be more available and in a better frame of mind to give you her love.
Your Girlfriend Doesn’t Think Texting Is That Important
This type of girl is actually more common than most guys realize. A lot of guys, however, will have dated a girl at some point in time who loves to text and call a lot. On the other hand, there are women out there who don’t like texting and calling that much—particularly introverted women.
This, unfortunately, can change a guys expectations when it comes to sending and receiving messages. You might expect your girlfriend to enjoy being in touch with you all the time and to be highly responsive, but not all women are like this.
I’ve personally dated a couple of women who were as cold as ice over text and phone, but when I saw them in person they were loving and affectionate.
Out of curiosity I asked one girl what she thought about texting and messaging and she said that she felt like it was a waste of time, that it wasn’t natural and it was artificial and forced. A lot of women need face-to-face contact when communicating, anything else lacks authenticity.
If you’re girlfriend doesn’t respond too quickly to your text messages and phone calls, then there’s a very good chance that she doesn’t think texting and messaging is too important (especially if she’s an introvert).
Your Girlfriend Is Scared That You’ll Get Bored
Some women are terrified that if they communicate too much with their boyfriend over the phone then they’re going to kill attraction and you’re going to lose interest in her.
Women are in general more terrified of rejection than men and a lot of women have screwed up relationships over the phone and on messenger before. This is why a lot of women can be extremely sensitive when it comes to texting and messaging their boyfriends too much.
If your girlfriend isn’t responding to text messages then there’s a very good chance that she’s scared of saying the wrong thing and turning you off.
If a girl really likes you and thinks you’re a busy guy with a lot going on, then she won’t want to appear too needy and controlling.
There is, however, a huge section of women in society who crave constant attention, need reassurance all the time, and have so much insecurity inside them that they need to be in constant contact with their boyfriends. In the same way, there are huge sections of men in society who are exactly the same with their girlfriends.
Some women understand that they can mess things up by talking too much over text, and as a result they will do the best to avoid responding to you and messaging you too much.
Your Girlfriend Wants You To Live Your Life
Some women have a natural understanding that men need to work and have busy lives too. And until you’re in a long-term fully-committed relationship, your girlfriend won’t want to interfere too much in your life.
I’ve noticed that extremely feminine women are much more likely to act this way. Feminine women have an innate understanding that their man needs to pursue his ambitions and desires in a way that less feminine aren’t able to understand.
A truly feminine woman wants a strong man who has drive and purpose in life, and the last thing she wants to do is get in your way—her greatest desire is to get behind you and support you.
It’s important to understand that many good women and great girlfriend’s don’t respond and text back straight away because they’re actually trying to be supportive and give you the time you need to focus on yourself and your life’s purpose.
If your girlfriend doesn’t respond to you that often, but she’s still a supportive girlfriend, then relish and enjoy the freedom she’s giving you. This is a real luxury, don’t take it for granted.
Your Girlfriend Doesn’t Respect You That Much
I was in Asia a couple of months ago when this older White guy walked passed me down the street.
He was an elegantly dressed man, except he kept on mumbling under his breath, “She didn’t even say goodnight to me… didn’t say goodnight… she didn’t even say goodnight…”
About an hour later I found myself in a coffee shop when this same gentleman came in and sat at the table next to me. He was still muttering the same thing and shaking his head, “She wouldn’t even say goodnight to me…”
The idea that a man can get rattled by his girlfriend because she didn’t say goodnight to him is pretty amusing, but also understandable.
If the man was having a conversation with his girlfriend and she suddenly dropped out of the conversation, or didn’t respond to his “goodnight message” after she read it, then that is pretty disrespectful—especially if the man is in a relationship with this woman already.
The problem is that only men would really think that this kind of behavior is disrespectful. Your girlfriend will think differently, and this is where a lot of the problems and miscommunication between men and women occurs.
Even if you’re upset by your girlfriend because she isn’t responding to messages, then it’s important not to show that you’re upset.
If you let your girlfriend know that she can rattle you that easily and disturb you by simply not responding to your messages, then she is going to lose respect for you.
Not only that, your girlfriend is going to keep on acting in a disrespectful way because you have shown her that you are weak enough to allow her to get to you.
It’s also important to note that many women are victims of their own emotions. Women are much more affected by stress hormones in the brain and this can seriously affect their disposition and their behavior (Journal Molecular Psychiatry).
If your girlfriend blows hot and cold then hot and cold again, it’s likely that she might be suffering from a mood disorder or emotional fluctuations.
This doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love you or care about you when she doesn’t respond to you or text you back, it simply means that she is overcome by other emotions and negativity that is preventing her from reaching out to you at this present moment in time.
If you’re dating a girl who has a negative personality and is moody, there’s not much you can do about this kind of behavior. My advice is to emotionally disconnect yourself from this kind of girl so you don’t get swept up in all her negative emotions.
If you can remain emotionally detached in the early stages of the relationship, you will appear much more attractive to your girlfriend too.
A woman wants to know that you’re not going to be upset or moved by her emotions. If you allow your girlfriend to affect you too much emotionally then she is going to lose respect for you and she’s not going to respond or text you back as much.
Instead you need to focus on increasing the amount of respect your girlfriend has for you. The more respect your girlfriend has for you as a man the more likely she will be to respond to your messages and text you back.
Your Girlfriend Is Testing You
Nothing drives a man crazier than a woman’s tests.
When your girlfriend is testing you, it’s very possible that your girlfriend won’t respond to you or text you back on purpose.
This is really annoying and unsettling of course, but as I’ve said before, don’t take it personally and blame your girlfriend—she’s programmed to test you in order to ensure that you’re worthy enough to mate with her.
But why would your girlfriend do this to you? You’ve showered her with love and affection and attention, how could she suddenly not respond or text you back?
The answer is simple: it’s exactly because you’ve shown her love and affection and attention that she’s not responding to you. Your girlfriend wants to know that you’ll remain unaffected with or without her in your life.
Women are special and beautiful and capable of giving men so much comfort and pleasure that for a lot of guys, a woman really is the best thing in his life.
The irony of course is that a woman doesn’t want to be the most important person in your life, at least not straight away.
Your girlfriend wants to work for your love and attention. Remember, anything that is given away too freely or easily loses its value (check out the Paradox of value).
Imagine the following scenario: Peter has been dating Jane for a couple of months. Peter and Jane spent a lot of time sending each other messages and having long phone calls every night. One morning Peter sends Jane a message: “Hope u have a great day X”.
Jane reads the message, but doesn’t respond or text Peter back. She’s been wondering whether or not Peter is actually the right guy for her; she wants a strong man and she needs to know how strong Peter is, especially because he’s been so responsive and lovey-dovey recently.
Peter doesn’t know this, but what he does know is that Jane has read his message and she still hasn’t responded. Peter feels instantly disrespected and unhappy about this.
Peter then sends Jane a follow up message: “Hey, hope ur having a great day. Miss you!” Jane reads this message too and still doesn’t respond. Ouch!
Two hours later Peter sends another message: “I saw you read my messages but didn’t respond, what’s going on?” Little does Peter realize that every message he sends to Jane is causing her to lose more and more respect and attraction for him.
Jane reads Peter’s last message and wonders why he’s spending so much time texting her and checking his messages. Doesn’t he have anything else better to do? I mean I can’t be that important to him, we’ve only been dating for a couple of months.
He really is weak and needy, it’s not just my imagination, ugh.
Jane fires back a message: “Sorry, had a really busy day. How are u?” Peter instantly responds. “Hi, I was worried about you. Where have you been all day?” Jane reads the message, thinks about responding, but just can’t be bothered right now.
Jane’s attraction for Peter has dropped dramatically. It’s only a matter of time before Peter keeps on making the same mistakes and Jane breaks up with him forever.
A couple of months later, Jane finds herself in a relationship with Paul. She doesn’t need to test his strength and she can’t not respond to him because Paul only ever contacts her when she reaches out to him.
Jane has a feeling that if she didn’t message Paul then he would forget about her completely. Jane gets upset about this and sends Paul a message: “How come you never message me or tell me that you miss me?”
Paul responds an hour later: “If you miss me, why don’t you come over and say hi.”
Jane laughs when she gets this message, even though she feels frustrated at the same time. Does this guy actually like me or is he just playing with me? He’s pretty confident in himself. Her attraction for Paul goes up a level.
Let’s see if I can win him over, Jane thinks to herself. Little does she realize that Paul is not the kind of man that can ever be won over, but Jane will spend the rest of her life trying (uncertainty heightens attraction, Psychological Science).
What To Do When Your Girlfriend Doesn’t Respond Or Text You Back
So your girlfriend isn’t responding to you or texting you back? This can be for many different reasons. The solution to this problem though is pretty straightforward.
You first have to understand that women are “waiting creatures.” Men and women have evolved in different ways.
Men have evolved over hundreds of years to go out into nature and explore and acquire resources. Whereas women evolved to stay at home and look after the family, and “wait” for the hunters to return home.
It might sound like sexist nonsense, but this was the reality for humans for thousands of years.
It is my belief after dealing with hundreds of relationship problems over the years that women are much more comfortable in a “waiting state,” whereas men want to take action and find immediate solutions and answers to problems.
He thinks: she doesn’t respond, must find immediate solution.
She thinks: he doesn’t respond, let’s wait and see.
Men and women didn’t hear from each other for long periods of time back in the day when men lived as hunters, going out into the wild to bring back food and resources for the family.
Our brains, which are still running old computers chips from caveman days, haven’t evolved to deal with modern relationships which are made even more complicated by phones and modern technology.
As men we have to understand that texting and messaging aren’t a natural part of human relationships, and that our brains are going to experience anxiety if we place too much importance on the phone and our girlfriend’s response time.
In the case of texting and messaging, less is always more. I like to use the 2/1 rule myself.
The 2/1 rule states that for every two messages your girlfriend sends, you send one back. For every long message that your girlfriend sends, you send a message half the size.
Don’t overthink this rule too much, but the general flow of your conversation as a man should follow the 2/1 rule—as it’s been scientifically proven that women prefer men who are less responsive and find these men more attractive (Interdisciplinary Center, Israel).
I also prefer to be more reactive to my girlfriend’s messages. This puts your girlfriend into the role of “the chaser” and makes her more unsure of your feelings. This combined with the fact that your girlfriend will think you’re more difficult to reach and “scarce” will make you appear more valuable and attractive.
If you send your girlfriend a message and she doesn’t respond for a day or two, then you simply wait until she gets back to you.
In my experience a woman will always respond eventually, and when they do they will always come back with more interest and attraction than before, as long as you don’t make the mistake of chasing her away by being too responsive.
Remember, a woman will always respond to a man she’s attracted to and loves. It’s only when she’s lost all attraction and interest in you that she will stop responding to you completely.
(A word of warning: don’t ignore your girlfriend if she reaches out to you and wants to speak to you. Also don’t be rude and cold and distant, this will betray the fact that you are emotionally hurt by her behavior. Stay positive and keep things light and fun.)